


finding Bokuto-san's reason

by kat_chan02



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji is Bad at Feelings, Drug Mentions, Heavy Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, No Beta, Not now gay thoughts, Older AU, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, akaashi gives his help, akaashi is beautiful why do i do this to him??, akaashi's parents will come in soon, bokuto is a nutjob, bokuto needs help, hello angst, im going to die here alone whilst i simp over some beautiful boys, im sorry bokuto, im sorry i have to do this to them, keiji is pretty-chan, lol, there are mentions of iwaoi, they dont play volleyball
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:27:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24733093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kat_chan02/pseuds/kat_chan02
Summary: Keiji Akaashi always thought he was smart. And he was. He always studied. He always got top marks in exams. He was clever. But letting a certain great horned owl into his life was probably the dumbest thing Akaashi had ever done.Yet whether he regrets it or not is a different story.If he were any help to Bokuto, he’d never regret it.《originally posted 15/07/20. edited 29/08/20》
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi!!  
> literally no one asked for this but im loving bokuaka atm and i needed something like this

Keiji Akaashi always thought he was smart. And he was. He always studied. He always got top marks in exams. He was clever. 

But letting a certain great horned owl into his life was probably the dumbest thing Akaashi had ever done. 

Yet whether he regrets it or not is a different story.

Keiji Akaashi knew what he wanted. What job and career he wanted. What sort of wife and children he wanted. But since he met that idiot, since his whole life got turned upside down, he doesn’t know if he wants that now.

Keiji Akaashi decided that falling in love is cruel. Brutal. Unkind. Harsh. But society is worse. Once he realises that, he’s sure the ache he feels will disappear. The pain he feels will disappear. He could go back to living the way he used to.

Forgetting is not something in Akaashi’s vocabulary.

He learnt that a long time ago. Since Koutarou Bokuto’s secret got spilled. Since that quiet autumn day. Since he heard that obnoxiously loud voice fill his ears. 

Since everything that happened throughout the few months of meeting Bokuto.

Everything -every stupid thing- that Akaashi had done. He was certain he would regret it. He had disappointed his family and the people that respected him. But he didn't. He wouldn't. 

Since the new friends he made in Tokyo weren’t bad people, he had argued. 

They weren’t sick people. 

They weren’t dangerous people. 

They were the same as him. Human beings trying to find their way in this heartless earth.

He doesn’t regret it, nothing that those people say can make him apologise for his decisions.

If he were any help to Bokuto, he’d never regret it.

Because without knowing, Bokuto had helped him as well. He made him see the amazing things in this world. He made him see that there was more to life than listening to what your obsessed parents were telling you to do. 

There was more to life than working or studying or earning money. 

There was so much more that he was grateful he had had time to understand. 

He'd like to adventure like Bokuto had. He wanted to _live._

And when Bokuto was better then they'd be able to do that together. 

But for the time being, he was willing to wait. He was willing to wait for Bokuto.

Because Keiji Akaashi is very patient.

~

Keiji Akaashi was lost- metaphorically and physically. 

He felt lost in the way of life. 

What was he living for? 

Why was he alive? 

What was the point of the hard work he put in throughout college? Only to become an editor for Shounen Jump.

Since he's moved to Tokyo from his family home, his life seemed to lose its purpose. Considering he hadn't even started his job yet, all he does is sit at home by himself all day.

Akaashi thought it was a good idea to go explore in the Tokyo suburbs...

He couldn't be more wrong. As he was lost, it was getting dark and he's been sat on this bench- stupid bench- for ages. 

Although the park he was in was pretty, he didn't want to stay there all night. 

Wishing he hadn't left his phone at his apartment, he let out a sigh.

"Such a pretty boy shouldn't sigh like that, you'll get wrinkles, sweetheart."

Akaashu jumped as the voice came from beside him. He turned to face where the voice came from and was greeted with a small smile. The man was wrapped in a large coat and scarf, his brown hair in a side parting, covering the majority his clear forehead. His brown eyes were perfectly defined and one squinted into a wink.

"Do you need any help, sweetie? You look a bit lost," the man asked, a slight tease in his voice.

"Uh, yes, actually," Akaashi replied, the man let out a laugh.

"You're not from around here, are you?" The stranger giggled as Akaashi shook his head, "You better get going, sweetie, you wouldn't last two seconds around here,"

Akaashi went to answer but was interrupted by a loud shout, "Hey, hey, hey, Tooru, stop harassing the poor kid,"

The man (Tooru, was it?) laughed and looked back to the other man appeared, 

"I wasn't harassing him, Owl-chan, he's lost,"

The other man came up to Akaashi and grinned, "You're lost?"

"Um, yes,"

Akaashi was stunned. He had never seen someone so attractive so close to him before. The words caught in his throat choked him.

The strangers smile, his extraordinary hairstyle, his jawline. His eyes, oh god, his eyes. They were hazel, a golden brown with green flakes mixed in. His pupils, something that's meant to be circular, were oval shaped and so tiny. His eyes were something that made Akaashi feel unsettled. Yes, an owl is a very good comparison for him. His body seemed fit, broad shoulders. But it's not like Akaashi could see much since the man had got a huge coat on.

The man let out a loud laugh, "What a place to get lost in," he said, looking down at Akaashi, "Well here I am, your personal saviour and hero, Koutarou Bokuto. Nice to meet cha,"

Tooru let out a whine, "Nooo, Owl-chan, I found him first!" Bokuto stuck his tongue out at the other man and sent another grin to Akaashi.

"Let me help you," Bokuto offered, "Walking around here by yourself at night isn't the nicest thing. Especially since you don't know the area,"

Akaashi was about to decline the request but his common sense told him not too. He did need to get home before it got darker, so he answered with an, "Okay,"

Tooru piped up then, "But, Owl-chan," he whimpered, "What about..." his voice laced with a suggestiveness that they were already busy.

Bokuto just grinned, "Don't worry,"

Tooru glared at him and hissed, "Get back home quickly or Tetsu-chan will kick your butt,"

"Kuroo can't do anything to me," Bokuto smirked, "He's my bro,"

"I-if you've got something to do, it's really fine," Akaashi interrupted, "I can get home by myself, "

The two men sent Akaashi a smile, "It's fine, sweetheart," Tooru said, "It's nothing of importance. Owl-chan can't usually save such pretty damsels in distress, so it's okay,"

Bokuto huffed, "Go home, Tooru,"

The man laughed, "Okayyy," he said, "Hey, pretty boy, I never got your name,"

He stalled then responded, "Akaashi,"

"Okay, Akaashi, I hope I see you again,"

Tooru winked and sent Akaashi a huge smile, “Bye-bye, pretty-chan!” he cooed, walking in the opposite direction. Then he turned back and shouted, “Get home safely, Owl-chan!”

“I will!” Bokuto shouted then spun around to Akaashi, “So, Akaashi, how about we get going?”

He mumbled the address to Bokuto, who shouted “Oh! I know that area! Bro, you rich or something?”

“Um, no, not really.” Was Akaashi’s answer, how can you not really be rich, idiot! He told himself and they started walking, Akaashi following Bokuto ’s directions.

“Oh, well.” Bokuto grinned and it made Akaashi’s insides flip, “Hey, I want to apologise on Tooru’s behalf, he can be a but…ummm,” he paused to think of the right word.

“Teasing?” Akaashi filled in, Bokuto lit up.

“Yeah!” he exclaimed, “He kept calling you ‘sweetie’ or ‘sweetheart’, so sorry,”

“Don’t worry, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi replied and Bokuto turned his nose up.

“Bokuto-san? No need for honorifics,” he said, “To be honest, since I’m your saviour, I’d prefer Bokuto-sama,”

“Yeah, no, I’ll stick with Bokuto-san,” Akaashi smiled at Bokuto’s small pout.

“So, Akaashi,” Bokuto continued, his usual default grin appearing again, “How old are you?”

Akaashi was taken aback from Bokuto’s question, “I’m 22, Bokuto-san,”

The other man let out a laugh, “I’m a senpai as well! ‘Bokuto-senpai’!” he yelled, “‘Hey, hey, hey! I’m 23!”

Akaashi laughed at his excitement, how Bokuto’s eyes twinkled. Akaashi tugged on his coat zip and looked up to the other man, “I’m not calling you senpai,”

“I wasn’t expecting you too, Akaashi, ‘San’ is okay with me,” Bokuto beamed, “What hobbies do you do?”

Another random question!

“Um, none really,” he answered, “I used to play volleyball till I was in like the second year of high school but- “

“No way! I used to play too!” Bokuto grinned, “What position?!”

“Um, setter,” Akaashi responded, “You?”

“I was the fantastic ace!” Bokuto answered, “I love it when I would nail a spike and the crowd would go wild, you know? We went to nationals, yes nationals, and everyone there and on my team was amazing! We eventually got knocked out though,” the man pouted for a few seconds, then carried on with his babble “But all the other teams there were better than us. We didn’t even have a proper setter. Awhhh, we coulda have gotten further if you were with us, Akaashi!”

“I stopped playing in the third year, though. Our team never got to nationals, we got knocked out before then,”

“Why’d ya stop?”

“I-, uh,” Why did Akaashi stop? He loved volleyball with a burning passion, but he still his volleyball career came to a swift halt. His answer, “I needed to focus on my studies and volleyball took up too much of my time,”

“Didn’t you love it?”

“Of course, I did,” Akaashi muttered, “I just thought my future was more important,”

“Future, huh?” Bokuto clammed up for a moment then said, “I just like living in the present. Don’t really care about my future.” Akaashi hummed, “I mean, doesn’t the future scare you, Akaashi?” Bokuto asked, Akaashi gave him a baffled look, “When I think about the future, all I get is bad things. So, I don’t like to think about it,”

“I don’t really get that, I guess. I’ve worked hard enough to have a good future. If I don’t mess it up, I hope I’ll be fine,”

Bokuto let out an awkward laugh, “I messed up a long time ago,” he said, “Plus, I’m not smart, so it’s harder for me to get good grades,”

“Yeah,” Akaashi didn’t want to say anything on that topic, he couldn’t risk offending his only way home, “I do miss volleyball,” he said, “Before I moved here, me and my old high school senpai used to play in our free time,”

“I hardly get to play anymore, nobody wants to practice with me,” Bokuto sighed, “Kuroo refuses to play and Tooru is just mean even though he was a setter,”

“Right,”

“Oh! But this one time- “

They ended up talking about volleyball the remaining 25 minutes they were walking. When Akaashi started to recognise his surroundings, he silently thanked Bokuto for taking him since he would have never found his way on his own.

The glow of the lamp posts above them illuminated Bokuto’s face, Akaashi couldn’t help but think the artificial light was the same as Bokuto’s eyes. The colour, the eerie look to it, something very ‘owlly’ about it.

“That’s me,” Akaashi pointed to an apartment complex.

“O-oh, Okay.” Bokuto plastered a grin on his face. Akaashi could sense his disappointment seeping from him, he felt it too.

“Thank you, Bokuto-san,”

“No problem, Keiji Akaashi,” Kotaro beamed, “I wanna see you again, you’re fun to talk too,” Bokuto pulled out a small card from his coat pocket, that read ‘Koutarou’ and his number. 

Akaashi took it without complaint.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Akaashi answered, a small question floating through his mind.

Did I tell him my given name?

“Call me, Akaashi!” Bokuto yelled as he walked off, leaving him in mild confusion.

“Goodbye, Bokuto-san,” the man whispered to himself, strolling in the direction of his apartment. His hands kept fiddling with the card in his hands as he walked up the stairs and unlocked his door when he got there.

Akaashi was glad his flat was the same as he left. He smiled to himself, wondering into the kitchen and placed the card where he could easily see it.  
He flicked the switch for the kettle and watched it boil.

He had this stupid grin on his face as he muttered to himself, “Owl-chan,”

That night, Akaashi couldn’t help but smile.


	2. Chapter 2

It took Akaashi a week. A long, painful, confusing seven days to call that number. He didn't know if he was just putting it off. He probably was. Since he didn't do anything else for the rest of the week.

But there he was, sat crossed-legged on his couch, flip phone in one hand, the card in another. This had become his nightly routine. Contemplating whether to call Bokuto or not. The thought of meeting the man again agitated him. But the thought of seeing those eyes again, staring at him, twinkling at him, aroused him. It was scary. Akaashi had never felt that when he thought of meeting someone again.

He knew he couldn't wait any longer. What if Bokuto was expecting a call? Akaashi had been making him wait. He dialled the number, hesitantly, then pressed the call button before he could stop himself.

He lifted it to his ears and let the phone ring, three, four, five times. On the sixth ring, Bokuto picked up but his line remained silent.

"...Hello?" Akaashi greeted, filling the quiet.

"What do you want?" Bokuto snapped, Akaashi was taken aback by the harshness. He never expected Bokuto to be so rude.

"Um, this is Akaashi," he replied, "We met last week, I was lost and- "

"Akaashi?" Bokuto mumbled his name a few times, then said to probably someone in the room he was in, "Do you know an 'Akaashi'? Is he one of my clients?"

Akaashi recognised the voice that answered the question, "Do you mean Pretty-chan?"

"Pretty-chan?" Bokuto questioned, "Akaashi... Akaashi... Oh! Keiji Akaashi!" Bokuto laughed, "You coulda said! Hey, Akaashi!"

"Hello, Bokuto-san,"

"Heyyyyy, why didn't you call me sooner?!" Bokuto whined, "I was waiting for you!"

"Sorry," Akaashi apologised.

"Oh, well at least you're here now!" Bokuto exclaimed, "So, how have you been? Gotten lost again?"

"Uh, I've been okay, thanks. I haven't gotten lost either," Akaashi replied, "What about you?"

"I've been good! I've just been wondering when you'd call me. I wanna meet you again,"

"I'm sorry," Akaashi was starting to feel bad about leaving it so long.

"Nah, don't worry about it," Bokuto let out a laugh as Akaashi sighed, "So, when are you free?"

"What?"

"To meet up, Akaashi, duh!" Bokuto shouted, Keiji took the phone away from his ears in fear he'd go deaf.

"I'm free whenever, I don't mind," Akaashi answered, hearing Bokuto's steady breathing down the line.

"Will tomorrow morning do?" Bokuto said after a moment, "We could go to a cafe I know, they do good coffee,"

"Sure,"

"Great!" Bokuto shouted, "I'll pick you up at 11, okay? From where I left you last week?"

"Okay,"

"It's a date!" He laughed, "See ya, Akaashi!"

"G-" Before Keiji could respond, Bokuto had hung up.

Akaashi threw his phone on the couch and sprinted to his room.

What the hell do you wear on a date? Akaashi should have asked for more time, he don't know how dates work!

Akaashi ruffled through his wardrobe panicking.

Why the hell did Bokuto say it was a date? If he hadn't said that Keiji wouldn't be stressing.

_Stupid, stupid Bokuto-san. Stupid hair and stupid eyes and stupid talkativeness. My stupid thoughts thinking about him all the time. My stupid brain stressing over this. Stupid!_

Maybe Keiji should have just declined. No, that wasn't even an option.

He was going on a date with Bokuto. Was it even a date? What does he mean by date? Like it's a set date in a diary? Or the type of things people do when they like each other?

Akaashi flunked himself on his bed.

Stupid Bokuto. His stupid eyes.

Keiji felt that sense of familiarity flood into him when he thought of Bokuto's eyes. Another question floating in his head.

_Where have I see them before?_

Keiji felt like he had achieved something when he found the right outfit. It wasn’t too formal, he was not going to wear a suit and tie. But it wasn’t too casual. He eventually settled with a button- up shirt, a manly cardigan and black jeans. Since it was cold outside, he grabbed a coat before leaving.

11 o’clock the next morning, Akaashi was hit with the freezing autumn wind as he walked outside his apartment block. 

He had to suppress a laugh as he heard Bokuto’s obnoxiously loud voice shouted out to him, “Hey, hey, hey, Akaashi!”

Keiji strolled up to the man, “Hello, Bokuto-san,”

They set off, Akaashi following Kotaro again. There was a lot of cafes in the area, Akaashi was intrigued by which one Bokuto would choose.  
It was about a ten-minute walk to the cafe. When they got there, Keiji wished he had brought more money since it looked rather expensive. A cute French style cafe, which probably had good coffee like Bokuto said, but good expensive coffee.

They sat down on a small table and ordered. Bokuto had been the one leading the conversations so far, so Keiji took it in his stride to ask something.

“How long have you been living here?” Akaashi questioned, how pathetic.

“Uh, for a while I guess,” Bokuto answered, “You’ve recently moved here, right, Akaashi?”

“Yeah, I got a job coming up soon. My parents wanted me to settle in before I started but I think two months before is too long,”

“Oho, what job?”

“I’ll be an editor for Shounen Jump,”

“Woahhhhh!” Bokuto gasped, “That’s amazing!”

“What do you do?”

“Shounen jump is huge, Akaashi! How did you get that job?!”

Akaashi huffed, “I did a magazine course at college,”

“Ahhhh, cool! I’ve been reading Shounen Jump since I was a kid!” 

“Yeah, my parents were against the idea though, they didn’t want me leaving so soon,”

“Parents are the worst.” Bokuto replied, “Mine probably don’t even know where I am,”

“Why?”

“I-“ Bokuto paused, frowning, “I moved out when I was like 16. I haven’t seen them since,”

“Oh,” Akaashi shuffled in his seat, not really knowing what to say on the subject. He had never been comfortable talking about touchy subjects like this, “Sorry,”

“Nah, don’t apologise, Akaashi,” Bokuto grinned, “I don’t really care about my parents anyway,” 

“Right,” Akaashi noticed a waitress coming over and was glad they could move away from the subject. Keiji sat with a cappuccino in hand, Bokuto a hot chocolate. 

“Hey, Akaashi,” Bokuto whispered, which was surprising for someone who was so loud.

“Yes?”

“No matter what happens go along with my story, okay?”

“Um, o-okay?” Akaashi was confused until he heard a voice from behind him. 

“Ohoho, Bokuto, funny seeing you here,” Keiji turned around to see two men. One he knew and one he didn’t. The man he didn’t recognise looked like he hadn’t brushed his black hair in a while. Or maybe that was his style. His clothes seemed quite smart and Akaashi couldn’t see his right eye since his hair was covering it. 

The other man was Tooru. 

“Hey, Kuroo, whatcha doing here?” Bokuto smiled, in Akaashi’s opinion it looked forced.

“Oh, just checking in,” Kuroo smirked, “Oikawa here was telling me you were meeting someone,” 

Bokuto met Tooru’s gaze and glared. Oikawa panicked and said, “I’m really sorry, Owl-chan, he forced m- “

“Shut up,” Kuroo snapped, silencing Tooru then turning his attention back to Bokuto, “We need to go,”

“I was free today,” Kotaro argued, “I can do whatever,” 

“But you can’t go meeting up with strangers, Bokuto. Unless I arrange it, you know that,”

“He’s not a stranger,” 

“Well anyone who’s a stranger to me is a stranger to you,”

“No, that’s not fair,” Kotaro whined, sending an apologetic look to Akaashi.

“What’s his name?” Kuroo asked, Keiji cleared his throat.

“My name is- “

“That doesn’t matter,” Bokuto interupped, standing up and bowed slightly to Akaashi. “I’m really sorry,” he whispered, “I’ll call you, okay?”

Keiji nodded, hesistantly, he watched Kuroo grabbed Bokuto’s arm and lead him out the cafe. Oikawa followed and turned back to Akaashi. 

“I’m sorry for spoiling this, Pretty-chan. See you soon,” he winked and waved, leading himself out the shop. 

Akaashi sipped his coffee. 

Well, that was weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are appreciated!!


	3. Chapter 3

Akaashi was confused, that was the only thing he was sure of. After Bokuto left, Akaashi left money from the bill (it wasn’t that expensive thankfully) and went home. Although he had no one around him, his thoughts kept him company. Mostly questions about what had happened but he occupied himself with that. 

Akaashi kept asking himself those questions that he probably would never get answers too. Whether he knew that he’d never get answers or not didn’t phase him. 

What had happened to Bokuto since they had met for the first time? How many secrets does he have? What does he need to hide? Why does his eyes give Akaashi a unsettled feeling? The more Bokuto tried to hide, the more he unconciously gave away. The more time Akaashi spent with the owl man, the more curious he got. Akaashi wanted answers to his questions, he wanted to know about Bokuto. How he lived. Why did he leave home at 16? Why didn’t he speak about his job? Why did he tell Akaashi to go along with whatever he was saying when Kuroo came? Why did Tooru apologise? Why did he look so panicked? Was Kuroo a sort of guardian for Bokuto? Something more? A family member? Did Bokuto have any other friends? What were they like? The same as him? Did he still want to play volleyball? Bokuto said he would call Akaashi, when would he do that? Would he leave Akaashi for a week to prove a point? Akaashi would probably die of overthinking by that time. He begs the gods above for Bokuto not to do that. 

Obviously, God exists since the familiar sound of his ringtone filled the air. From where Akaashi was lay on his bed, he reached over to the bedside table and grabbed his phone. Secretly celebrating that it was Bokuto, he picked the call up.

“…Hello?”

“Akaashi! I’m so sorry! I can’t believe I completely ditched you like that! Are you okay? Did you have enough to pay the bill? Did you-“

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi interrupted, “Don’t worry about it. I’m okay. I had enough money.”

Bokuto grunted, “Ughh, Tooru is always telling on me! Dunno why I tell him anything!” there was silence in both lines for a second before Bokuto said, “Are you free tomorrow? I have somewhere I want to take you,”

“… Um, yeah, I’m free,” Akaashi answered, thankful he was getting another chance to get to know Bokuto. 

“Great!” Bokuto exclaimed, “Wear something comfortable and you could move around in and I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 11 again, okay?”

“Wait, where are we going?”

“Surprise, Akaashi!” Bokuto laughed, “See ya tomorrow!”

“Good-“ once again, Bokuto had hung up before Akaashi could say farewell. 

Wear something comfortable, Akaashi can do that.  
~

The next morning, Akaashi kitted himself out in a tracksuit (no way was he going to wear shorts in this weather) and left a few minutes before 11 because he couldn’t wait any longer. He had been contemplating all night where Bokuto would take him. He didn’t come out with anything so he couldn’t anticipate what Bokuto was going to do. Akaashi was always good at reading peoples actions, guessing at what they would do. 

But since he met Bokuto, he hadn’t known what to except from the other man. He was always constantly skipping conversation, his actions were some that Akaashi couldn’t decipher.  
There was a slim chance however, since Akaashi had been wondering if it was a volleyball gym that Bokuto would bring him too. Yes, it was a surprise indeed. 

Standing inside, Akaashi smiled at the memories that appeared in his brain as he smelt the familiar smell of the gym. Seeing the players around them, hearing the squeech of shoes on the floor and the sound of volleyballs being spiked into the ground. 

Akaashi stood at the entrance in awe. He hadn’t been in a volleyball gym since he was 17, how come he never notice how much he missed it? The longing ache in his heart to go onto the court now, how come he never felt that before? 

Bokuto grinned, strolling up to Akaashi with a ball in hand, “Wanna play?” 

Akaashi nodded and caught the volleyball that was thrown at him, “No promises that my setting will be any good, Bokuto-san,”

“That doesn’t matter, Akaashi,” Bokuto beamed, “Let’s just have fun,” 

Akaashi hummed in agreement and they found a space to play. Akaashi chucked the ball back at Bokuto and got ready to set. Bokuto sent the ball into the air and Akaashi took a deep breath to ready himself. He raised his hands then moved to the ball and sent it the other mans way. Bokuto ran to where Akaashi had volleyed the ball and leaped to spike it. He felt the pressure of the ball on his hand as he sent it to the ground with a slam. A stunned silence filled the whole gym, amatuers, professionals and all. 

Akaashi stared at his hand then to Bokuto. That was perfect. Too perfect. 

“Hey! Hey! Hey!” Bokuto shouted then rushed up to the other man, “Akaashi! That was amazing! You’re amazing! I’ve always wanted to do that!” 

Chatter started up again and a few people came up to ask Bokuto about joining a volleyball club (he politely declined).

Akaashi’s cheeks were still burning from Bokuto’s upfront compliment. 

All I did was set for him, it’s not that amazing, he thought, going to collect another ball to set for Bokuto again. 

Turns out that first one was a fluke. 

No matter how many times they tried, Bokuto kept missing the ball. Flunking the spike. Although, Akaashi did botched the sets sometimes. He took time to take his jacket off and drink some water. When he came back, Bokuto was looking at the floor, a pained expression on his face. 

“Akaashi,” he chocked, pointing at the man, “Don’t set for me anymore!” 

Akaashi looked at him confused, “What?” 

“I can’t do it! Don’t set for me!”

“Come on, lets keep practising. We’ve never played together before. Of course it’s not going to be amazing,”

“No, I’m not amazing, that’s why,” Bokuto whimpered, “Your sets have been great, it’s my fault that I can’t spike them right,” 

“Bokut-“

“No, Akaashi.” Bokuto said, his voice was stern, “Excuse me,” he bowed and trudged to the toilets. Akaashi stared, bewildered. What the hell was that? 

The black-haired man stumbled after Bokuto, dodging past people in his way. He hesitantly pushed open the toilet door and mumbled, “Bokuto-san?”

“Go away, Akaashi,” the man was stood at the sink, head down. 

Akaashi walked up to him, “We can stop if you want. We could go somewhere e-“

“No!” Bokuto shouted, snapping his head up to face Akaashi, “I don’t want to go anywhere with you! You should leave,”

“What?” 

“It’s probably best if you leave,” Bokuto’s eyes were glazed with tears, “You shouldn’t be around me, Akaashi. I’m a bad person,” 

“You’re not a bad person, Bokuto-san,”

“You don’t even know me! You don’t know anything about me!”

Akaashi paused then let out a sigh. Bokuto was right. Akaashi didn’t know anything about him. Lots of people change. Bokuto had changed. He wasn’t the same cheeky, bold senpai Akaashi had known. Bokuto had changed since Akaashi had last seen him in middle school. On the first night, after Akaashi had gotten lost and Bokuto returned him. Akaashi realised why Bokuto knew his full name. He was in the class above Akaashi in middle school. He was surprised, yes. How had Bokuto remembered that name all this time? But it sent a thrill through him. Bokuto had remembered him, his name. Surely that was something, right?  
Akaashi was getting bored of being held in the dark. He was bored not knowing anything about Bokuto’s life. He wanted to know. He needed to know. Akaashi wanted an answer to every one of his questions with a truthful answer. He wanted to know all the small details. He wanted to know what his favourite colour was. What his favourite food was. What was his ideal holiday. What country he wanted to go to the most. He was obsessing about it, he knows. But for the first time in his life, he was completely okay with that. 

“Then tell me, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi pleaded. He watched as Bokuto was taken aback. He watched Bokuto open his mouth, like he was going to say something then close it again. 

“No,” was his answer. Akaashi felt like a dead weight had been placed on him. 

“W-why not?” 

“Because you’d leav-“ 

The conversation came to a sudden halt as another player walked in. The men was quickly surrounded by an awkward silence as the player entered a stall. 

“I’m sorry, Akaashi, you don’t deserve this,” Bokuto whispered and started to make his way out.

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi called, the other man turned back, “Call me?” 

Bokuto sighed, “See ya, Akaashi,” he sent a wave, pulled the door then left. 

“Goodbye,” Akaashi leant against the wall and thought, 

‘Stop leaving before I say goodbye!’

Have you ever been so sick you’ve lost track of time? 

A minute feels like an hour. An hour feels like a day. A day feels like a year.

Bokuto could remember staring at his ceiling, the horrible taste of vomit in his mouth. How long had it been? It felt like a year to him, to be honest. Maybe more. Who knows? 

Tooru does. It had been two days. He hates it when Bokuto was like this. Kuroo always leaves Tooru to take care of him and most the time Bokuto won’t do as he says. Then whilst he’s being uncooperative, Tooru still must make sure he’s drinking enough and not puking everywhere. 

This is why I put my money towards something that’s productive and doesn’t make me sick, Tooru thought as he brought a cup of water into Bokuto’s room (but it’s more like a detached part of the kitchen). 

It had been a while since Bokuto threw up but the disgusting smell still lingered. Tooru held back a gag as he wondered in, Bokuto sat up slowly as Tooru greeted him. 

“Come on, Owl-chan, drink up.” 

“Go away, Tooru.” Bokuto mumbled and the other man pouted. 

“You’ll get dehydrated if you don’t drink. That won’t do well for your skin,” 

“Shut up, Tooru, I have a headache.” 

“You’re so mean to me! All I’m trying to do is make you feel better!”

Bokuto dug his head into the pillow and Tooru sat down on his mattress next to him. 

“You never guess who I bumped into today,” the man said, hoping to spark up Bokuto’s fire, “This is the first time since high school that I’ve seen Chibi-chan. I was surprised to see him around here.” Bokuto didn’t say anything but Tooru knew he was listening, so he continued, “I was asking about Tobio-chan and Chibi-chan said not to talk about him whilst a tournament was coming up. I was surprised that they still play volleyball, even if not together,” 

“I went to play volleyball with Akaashi the other day,” 

“What!? Even after what Tetsu-chan said?” 

“Why do you think this is happening?” Bokuto shouted before gagging and placing his hand over his mouth. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tooru whined, sending a concerned look to the man – who thankfully didn’t throw up. 

“You would have told Kuroo. Again.” 

“You know I can’t keep a secret, Owl-chan! If he pressures me to tell him where you went of course I’m gonna tell him!” 

“That’s why I didn’t tell you,” 

Tooru pouted then let out a sigh, “Yeah, yeah, I get it.” he stood up and wiped himself down, “Drink something, Owl-chan. I’m gonna go get ready,”

“What? For your ‘Iwa-chan’?”

“Shut up!” Tooru shouted and Bokuto let out a shaky laugh.

“Go make yourself pretty, Tooru!” Bokuto yelled, wincing as the other man left since his headache wasn’t the best thing in the world. 

He reached out to shakily grab the glass Tooru had left and took a sip. He recoiled as he swallowed, instantly feeling it come back up his throat. He dropped the cup, spilling water down himself. Bokuto can’t remember the last time he felt like this. Kuroo had always been relatively nice to him and Tooru. Well, it’s not like Kuroo was making Bokuto sick, he was doing that himself. Just… Kuroo wasn’t giving the thing that would make the Bokuto better. 

He closed his eyes, feeling his body shaking and his head panging. His stomach grumbled. He knew he was hungry, he hadn’t eaten a meal since he came back from going out with Akaashi that one day. He had something to eat after then, but he just puked it back up. Tooru had been leaving food next to his bed but in fear he would throw up, Bokuto had left it alone. 

Bokuto perked up when he heard the front door open and slam shut. 

Iwa-chan is early, he thought, hearing Tooru in the other room squeal. 

“Oh,” Tooru said, that’s when Bokuto realised it wasn’t Iwa-chan, “Hi, Tetsu-chan,” 

Kuroo greeted him, “How’s he doing?” 

Tooru shrugged, “He hasn’t been crying today,” he said, “Why do you always leave him with me? He’s hard work when he’s like this and- Hey!“

Kuroo walked into Bokuto’s room, “Hey, Bo.”

Bokuto struggled up onto his hands and knees, “Kuroo! Kuroo, please! I’m sorry! I won’t do it again, I promise!” 

“Hey! Lay back down, you’ll make yourself sick!” Kuroo sighed then turned back to Tooru by the entrance, “See? This is why I leave it to you,”

Tooru rolled his eyes, “He never seems that happy when I come in,” then turned and left. Kuroo turned his attention back to Bokuto. 

“I’m sorry, Kur-“

“Stop trying to guilt-trip, Bokuto. It’s not gonna work,” 

“What? I wasn’t. I-I didn’t-“

“God, you’re so transparent, Bo. You simpleton,”

“Please,” Bokuto begged, propping himself up on his elbows, “I won’t do it again,”

“Yeah, you won’t,” Kuroo scowled, “Look, it’s your fault you’re in this mess, Bokuto. Seeming though you haven’t got any money, I can’t help you,” Kuroo smirked and turned, slowly walking out, hearing Bokuto shouting at him.

“Kuroo! I-I‘ll get some money! I’ll do whatever! Please, I can’t keep feeling like this! I hate this! Come back!” 

Kuroo stopped and faced back, “You’ll do anything, huh?”

“Yes! I’ll do anything, I promise!” 

Kuroo squatted down next to Bokuto, “Nobody is gonna want you like this,” 

Bokuto’s eyes were glassy and Kuroo let out a sigh. He grabbed a small plastic bag from his back pocket and threw it at the other man.

“That’s all I got on me,” Kuroo said, “You better ask for twice the amount of money tonight. I never get tipped for this,”

Bokuto gasped, “Kuroo~!” he cried, “Thank you! Thank you, thank you!” he slung his arms around Kuroo’s neck.

“Yeah, yeah. Go take a shower, you stink.” Kuroo sighed, “And if you’re sick on me, I swear to god, I will get so mad.”

Let’s just say Kuroo got mad and Bokuto… Bokuto’s not sure if he’s ever said ‘sorry’ so much in his life.


	4. Chapter 4

Akaashi was confused, that was the only thing he was sure of. After Bokuto left, Akaashi left money from the bill (it wasn’t that expensive thankfully) and went home. Although he had no one around him, his thoughts kept him company. Mostly questions about what had happened but he occupied himself with that. 

Akaashi kept asking himself those questions that he probably would never get answers too. Whether he knew that he’d never get answers or not didn’t phase him. 

What had happened to Bokuto since they had met for the first time? How many secrets does he have? What does he need to hide? Why does his eyes give Akaashi a unsettled feeling? 

The more Bokuto tried to hide, the more he unconciously gave away. The more time Akaashi spent with the owl man, the more curious he got. Akaashi wanted answers to his questions, he wanted to know about Bokuto. How he lived. Why did he leave home at 16? Why didn’t he speak about his job? Why did he tell Akaashi to go along with whatever he was saying when Kuroo came? Why did Tooru apologise? Why did he look so panicked? Was Kuroo a sort of guardian for Bokuto? Something more? A family member? Did Bokuto have any other friends? What were they like? The same as him? Did he still want to play volleyball? Bokuto said he would call Akaashi, when would he do that? Would he leave Akaashi for a week to prove a point? Akaashi would probably die of overthinking by that time. He begs the gods above for Bokuto not to do that. 

Obviously, God exists since the familiar sound of his ringtone filled the air. From where Akaashi was lay on his bed, he reached over to the bedside table and grabbed his phone. Secretly celebrating that it was Bokuto, he picked the call up.

“…Hello?”

“Akaash! I’m so sorry! I can’t believe I completely ditched you like that! Are you okay? Did you have enough to pay the bill? Did you-“

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi interrupted, “Don’t worry about it. I’m okay. I had enough money.”

Bokuto grunted, “Ughh, Tooru is always telling on me! Dunno why I tell him anything!” there was silence in both lines for a second before Bokuto said, “Are you free tomorrow? I have somewhere I want to take you,”

“… Um, yeah, I’m free,” Akaashi answered, thankful he was getting another chance to get to know Bokuto. 

“Great!” Bokuto exclaimed, “Wear something comfortable and you could move around in and I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 11 again, okay?”

“Wait, where are we going?”

“Surprise, Akashi!” Bokuto laughed, “See ya tomorrow!”

“Good-“ once again, Bokuto had hung up before Akaashi could say farewell. 

Wear something comfortable, Akaashi can do that.  
~

The next morning, Akaashi kitted himself out in a tracksuit (no way was he going to wear shorts in this weather) and left a few minutes before 11 because he couldn’t wait any longer. He had been contemplating all night where Bokuto would take him. He didn’t come out with anything so he couldn’t anticipate what Bokuto was going to do. Akaashi was always good at reading peoples actions, guessing at what they would do. 

But since he met Bokuto, he hadn’t known what to except from the other man. He was always constantly skipping conversation, his actions were some that Akaashi couldn’t decipher.  
There was a slim chance however, since Akaashi had been wondering if it was a volleyball gym that Bokuto would bring him too. Yes, it was a surprise indeed. 

Standing inside, Akaashi smiled at the memories that appeared in his brain as he smelt the familiar smell of the gym. Seeing the players around them, hearing the squeech of shoes on the floor and the sound of volleyballs being spiked into the ground. 

Akaashi stood at the entrance in awe. He hadn’t been in a volleyball gym since he was 17, how come he never notice how much he missed it? The longing ache in his heart to go onto the court now, how come he never felt that before? 

Bokuto grinned, strolling up to Akaashi with a ball in hand, “Wanna play?” 

Akaashi nodded and caught the volleyball that was thrown at him, “No promises that my setting will be any good, Bokuto-san,”

“That doesn’t matter, Akaashi,” Bokuto beamed, “Let’s just have fun,” 

Akaashi hummed in agreement and they found a space to play. Akaashi chucked the ball back at Bokuto and got ready to set. Bokuto sent the ball into the air and Akaashi took a deep breath to ready himself. He raised his hands then moved to the ball and sent it the other mans way. Bokuto ran to where Akaashi had volleyed the ball and leaped to spike it. He felt the pressure of the ball on his hand as he sent it to the ground with a slam. A stunned silence filled the whole gym, amatuers, professionals and all. 

Akaashi stared at his hand then to Bokuto. That was perfect. Too perfect. 

“Hey! Hey! Hey!” Bokuto shouted then rushed up to the other man, “Akaashi! That was amazing! You’re amazing! I’ve always wanted to do that!” 

Chatter started up again and a few people came up to ask Bokuto about joining a volleyball club (he politely declined).

Akaashi’s cheeks were still burning from Bokuto’s upfront compliment. 

All I did was set for him, it’s not that amazing, he thought, going to collect another ball to set for Bokuto again. 

Turns out that first one was a fluke. 

No matter how many times they tried, Bokuto kept missing the ball. Flunking the spike. Although, Akaashi did botched the sets sometimes. He took time to take his jacket off and drink some water. When he came back, Bokuto was looking at the floor, a pained expression on his face. 

“Akaashi,” he chocked, pointing at the man, “Don’t set for me anymore!” 

Akaashi looked at him confused, “What?” 

“I can’t do it! Don’t set for me!”

“Come on, lets keep practising. We’ve never played together before. Of course it’s not going to be amazing,”

“No, I’m not amazing, that’s why,” Bokuto whimpered, “Your sets have been great, it’s my fault that I can’t spike them right,” 

“Bokut-“

“No, Akaashi.” Bokuto said, his voice was stern, “Excuse me,” he bowed and trudged to the toilets. Akaashi stared, bewildered. What the hell was that? 

The black-haired man stumbled after Bokuto, dodging past people in his way. He hesitantly pushed open the toilet door and mumbled, “Bokuto-san?”

“Go away, Akaashi,” the man was stood at the sink, head down. 

Akaashi walked up to him, “We can stop if you want. We could go somewhere e-“

“No!” Bokuto shouted, snapping his head up to face Akaashi, “I don’t want to go anywhere with you! You should leave,”

“What?” 

“It’s probably best if you leave,” Bokuto’s eyes were glazed with tears, “You shouldn’t be around me, Akaashi. I’m a bad person,” 

“You’re not a bad person, Bokuto-san,”

“You don’t even know me! You don’t know anything about me!”

Akaashi paused then let out a sigh. Bokuto was right. Akaashi didn’t know anything about him. Lots of people change. Bokuto had changed. He wasn’t the same cheeky, bold senpai Akaashi had known. Bokuto had changed since Akaashi had last seen him in middle school. On the first night, after Akaashi had gotten lost and Bokuto returned him. Akaashi realised why Bokuto knew his full name. He was in the class above Akaashi in middle school. He was surprised, yes. How had Bokuto remembered that name all this time? But it sent a thrill through him. Bokuto had remembered him, his name. Surely that was something, right?  
Akaashi was getting bored of being held in the dark. He was bored not knowing anything about Bokuto’s life. He wanted to know. He needed to know. Akaashi wanted an answer to every one of his questions with a truthful answer. He wanted to know all the small details. He wanted to know what his favourite colour was. What his favourite food was. What was his ideal holiday. What country he wanted to go to the most. He was obsessing about it, he knows. But for the first time in his life, he was completely okay with that. 

“Then tell me, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi pleaded. He watched as Bokuto was taken aback. He watched Bokuto open his mouth, like he was going to say something then close it again. 

“No,” was his answer. Akaashi felt like a dead weight had been placed on him. 

“W-why not?” 

“Because you’d leav-“ 

The conversation came to a sudden halt as another player walked in. The men was quickly surrounded by an awkward silence as the player entered a stall. 

“I’m sorry, Akaashi, you don’t deserve this,” Bokuto whispered and started to make his way out.

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi called, the other man turned back, “Call me?” 

Bokuto sighed, “See ya, Akaashi,” he sent a wave, pulled the door then left. 

“Goodbye,” Akaashi leant against the wall and thought, 

‘Stop leaving before I say goodbye!’

Have you ever been so sick you’ve lost track of time? 

A minute feels like an hour. An hour feels like a day. A day feels like a year.

Bokuto could remember staring at his ceiling, the horrible taste of vomit in his mouth. How long had it been? It felt like a year to him, to be honest. Maybe more. Who knows? 

Tooru does. It had been two days. He hates it when Bokuto was like this. Kuroo always leaves Tooru to take care of him and most the time Bokuto won’t do as he says. Then whilst he’s being uncooperative, Tooru still must make sure he’s drinking enough and not puking everywhere. 

This is why I put my money towards something that’s productive and doesn’t make me sick, Tooru thought as he brought a cup of water into Bokuto’s room (but it’s more like a detached part of the kitchen). 

It had been a while since Bokuto threw up but the disgusting smell still lingered. Tooru held back a gag as he wondered in, Bokuto sat up slowly as Tooru greeted him. 

“Come on, Owl-chan, drink up.” 

“Go away, Tooru.” Bokuto mumbled and the other man pouted. 

“You’ll get dehydrated if you don’t drink. That won’t do well for your skin,” 

“Shut up, Tooru, I have a headache.” 

“You’re so mean to me! All I’m trying to do is make you feel better!”

Bokuto dug his head into the pillow and Tooru sat down on his mattress next to him. 

“You never guess who I bumped into today,” the man said, hoping to spark up Bokuto’s fire, “This is the first time since high school that I’ve seen Chibi-chan. I was surprised to see him around here.” Bokuto didn’t say anything but Tooru knew he was listening, so he continued, “I was asking about Tobio-chan and Chibi-chan said not to talk about him whilst a tournament was coming up. I was surprised that they still play volleyball, even if not together,” 

“I went to play volleyball with Akaashi the other day,” 

“What!? Even after what Tetsu-chan said?” 

“Why do you think this is happening?” Bokuto shouted before gagging and placing his hand over his mouth. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tooru whined, sending a concerned look to the man – who thankfully didn’t throw up. 

“You would have told Kuroo. Again.” 

“You know I can’t keep a secret, Owl-chan! If he pressures me to tell him where you went of course I’m gonna tell him!” 

“That’s why I didn’t tell you,” 

Tooru pouted then let out a sigh, “Yeah, yeah, I get it.” he stood up and wiped himself down, “Drink something, Owl-chan. I’m gonna go get ready,”

“What? For your ‘Iwa-chan’?”

“Shut up!” Tooru shouted and Bokuto let out a shaky laugh.

“Go make yourself pretty, Tooru!” Bokuto yelled, wincing as the other man left since his headache wasn’t the best thing in the world. 

He reached out to shakily grab the glass Tooru had left and took a sip. He recoiled as he swallowed, instantly feeling it come back up his throat. He dropped the cup, spilling water down himself. Bokuto can’t remember the last time he felt like this. Kuroo had always been relatively nice to him and Tooru. Well, it’s not like Kuroo was making Bokuto sick, he was doing that himself. Just… Kuroo wasn’t giving the thing that would make the Bokuto better. 

He closed his eyes, feeling his body shaking and his head panging. His stomach grumbled. He knew he was hungry, he hadn’t eaten a meal since he came back from going out with Akaashi that one day. He had something to eat after then, but he just puked it back up. Tooru had been leaving food next to his bed but in fear he would throw up, Bokuto had left it alone. 

Bokuto perked up when he heard the front door open and slam shut. 

Iwa-chan is early, he thought, hearing Tooru in the other room squeal. 

“Oh,” Tooru said, that’s when Bokuto realised it wasn’t Iwa-chan, “Hi, Tetsu-chan,” 

Kuroo greeted him, “How’s he doing?” 

Tooru shrugged, “He hasn’t been crying today,” he said, “Why do you always leave him with me? He’s hard work when he’s like this and- Hey!“

Kuroo walked into Bokuto’s room, “Hey, Bo.”

Bokuto struggled up onto his hands and knees, “Kuroo! Kuroo, please! I’m sorry! I won’t do it again, I promise!” 

“Hey! Lay back down, you’ll make yourself sick!” Kuroo sighed then turned back to Tooru by the entrance, “See? This is why I leave it to you,”

Tooru rolled his eyes, “He never seems that happy when I come in,” then turned and left. Kuroo turned his attention back to Bokuto. 

“I’m sorry, Kur-“

“Stop trying to guilt-trip, Bokuto. It’s not gonna work,” 

“What? I wasn’t. I-I didn’t-“

“God, you’re so transparent, Bo. You simpleton,”

“Please,” Bokuto begged, propping himself up on his elbows, “I won’t do it again,”

“Yeah, you won’t,” Kuroo scowled, “Look, it’s your fault you’re in this mess, Bokuto. Seeming though you haven’t got any money, I can’t help you,” Kuroo smirked and turned, slowly walking out, hearing Bokuto shouting at him.

“Kuroo! I-I‘ll get some money! I’ll do whatever! Please, I can’t keep feeling like this! I hate this! Come back!” 

Kuroo stopped and faced back, “You’ll do anything, huh?”

“Yes! I’ll do anything, I promise!” 

Kuroo squatted down next to Bokuto, “Nobody is gonna want you like this,” 

Bokuto’s eyes were glassy and Kuroo let out a sigh. He grabbed a small plastic bag from his back pocket and threw it at the other man.

“That’s all I got on me,” Kuroo said, “You better ask for twice the amount of money tonight. I never get tipped for this,”

Bokuto gasped, “Kuroo~!” he cried, “Thank you! Thank you, thank you!” he slung his arms around Kuroo’s neck.

“Yeah, yeah. Go take a shower, you stink.” Kuroo sighed, “And if you’re sick on me, I swear to god, I will get so mad.”

Let’s just say Kuroo got mad and Bokuto… Bokuto’s not sure if he’s ever said ‘sorry’ so much in his life.


	5. Chapter 5

“Tooru! How could you!?” Bokuto shouted, his head turning from him to Akaashi, tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry!” Tooru whined, “I-I didn’t tell him anything! I swear!”

“That’s not the point!” Bokuto yelled, “He’s still here!”

Akaashi felt his heart race as Bokuto raised his voice. Maybe it wasn’t the greatest idea to tag along with Tooru. But he had been so concerned with Bokuto’s welfare. He doesn’t really understand what was going on nor why Bokuto was so angry. He couldn’t even bring himself to speak.

“Ugh, you always have to put your head in my life, Tooru! This is not your business! Stay out of it!” Bokuto stormed into another room.

Tooru shouted after him, “Yeah, my date was great, thanks so much for asking!” he let out a sigh and turned his attention to Akaashi, “Sorry, Pretty-chan. It’s like I’m dealing with a hormonal teenager. Owl-chan’s mood swings are the worst. He goes all emo on me sometimes,”

“Don't worry, I have a teenage sister, I’m good with this stuff,” Akaashi tried to lift the tense atmosphere with a joke.

Tooru laughed, “Let’s see how you deal with him then,”

Akaashi sent him a confused look before realising, “You want me to go after him?”

“Well, I wanna see what happens,” Tooru shrugged, “Go on,”

Akaashi glanced at him for a moment before hesitantly took the steps Bokuto did a few moments. He stopped and looked back to Tooru, “Go,” he said and waved his hand signalling Akaashi to go in.

“Bokuto-san?” Akaashi walked into the next room, Bokuto was curled up, knees to chest.

“Go away, Akaashi.” he murmured, “You shouldn’t be here,”

Akaashi sat crossed legged next to him, “What if I want to be here?” he whispered.

“You’re crazy,”

“Maybe I am,” Akaashi chuckled, “I haven’t got anything better to do, Bokuto-san. This is the most exciting thing that has happened since I moved here,”

“Akaashi, please stop,” Bokuto begged, “You deserve better than this. Go away and forget I ever existed. Forget that you met the handsome Koutarou Bokuto on an autumn evening when you got lost. Forget all the times after. This is the best thing for you,”

“Don’t go deciding what’s best for me, please,” Akaashi mumbled.

“Just forget,”

“Stop making it sound so easy,” Akaashi said.

He can’t forget someone like Bokuto. It’s impossible. Well, next to impossible. Forgetting isn’t something in Akaashi’s vocabulary, he doesn’t know what it means.

“You don’t want someone like me in your life,”

“You’re already in my life, Bokuto-san.”

“No! Don’t! I’ve lied to you! Everything you asked at dinner I answered with a lie! You don’t want someone who lies to you!”

“Tell me the truth then,” Akaashi was desperate. He did feel hurt. He did trust Bokuto’s answers, but he had a feeling Bokuto was lying. He couldn’t keep up with his lies when Akaashi asked about them whilst they were eating.

“I can’t, Akaashi.” he whimpered, “Everyone else who had found out left me. I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want to lose you,”

The other man let out a sigh, “I’m not going anywhere, I promise,”

Bokuto sniffed, “Pinkie promise?” he shakily stuck his little finger out.

Akaashi chuckled and linked their fingers together, “Pinkie promise.”

“Oh, Akaashi,” Bokuto grabbed him into a hug and mumbled, “You- you’re an idiot. I’m a bad person. I’m the person your parents will tell you to say away from. Don’t hang around people like me,”

Akaashi’s heart skipped a beat as he returned the hug. Bokuto was probably overreacting, he told himself.

“I don’t understand what you mean, Bokuto-san,” well, he did. He just hoped it wasn’t what he expected.

Bokuto pushed him away and shouted, “A junkie! A whore! I’m disgusting, Akaashi! I’m not some smart college graduate like you, I’m a hooker. That’s my job!” he whimpered, “I don’t even know why I’m still alive. All I want is heroin, Akaashi. I have no other purpose here.”

Bokuto felt lost in the way of life. What was he living for? Why was he alive?

"I might as well just die,"

Those were the questions the pair asked themselves daily. Although nobody knew the answers, they wanted them most.

Bokuto looked at Akaashi, tears sprouting from his beautiful hazel eyes. He was watching, waiting, for Akaashi to get up and leave. He told himself that he had messed this up. Another person he cares about will walk out his life.

“Do you hate me now?” Bokuto whispered, looking away from Akaashi in fear of his reaction.

“No,” Akaashi mumbled, “I won’t break our promise either,”

Bokuto clasped Akaashi’s hand and brought it to his lips, “Thank you,”

Akaashi looked at Bokuto’s flushed face and felt his cheeks turn the same colour and hummed.  
  
Bokuto suddenly felt so safe. So secure. More so than he had done ever in his life. Bokuto and Akaashi, he liked the sound of that. Maybe because he liked Akaashi. Since it was hard not to like him. He liked their little bubble. 

But the thing about bubbles is that they can so easily pop. It was Tooru who held the pin to the bubble. Not like he meant too, he was just concerned. Very concerned actually. But he’ll apologise eventually.

Tooru rushed into Bokuto’s room and hissed, “Tetsu-chan’s back,”

“Hide him, now!” Tooru whispered, he turned and darted out the room.

“What’s going on?” Akaashi asked as Bokuto pulled him into a closet.

“Stay here, Akaashi, please.” He said, “We’ll deal with Kuroo but you can’t come out, okay? No matter what happens,”

“Bok-“

“Trust me,” Bokuto pleaded, a grave look on his face so Akaashi just nodded then was enclosed in darkness as the door was shut and he could hear Bokuto’s footsteps leaving.

Questions darted through Akaashi’s head.

Was he in danger? Was Bokuto in danger? Was Tooru a prostitute too? Who was 'Tetsu-chan'? Was he the guy who interrupted their date in the cafe the one time? Was he just going to stay squatting in this wardrobe until he left?

Akaashi jumped as he heard voices come from just outside where he was. When did they get so close?

“Hey, Kuroo?”

“Yes, Bokuto?”

“When can I go outside again?”

“When I can trust you too,”

“But-“

“No buts,” Kuroo laughed, “Oikawa might not have known you went out, but I do since I know everything,”

Bokuto gasped, “Are you a magician? Oh my bejeezus, can you pull a rabbit out a hat? Can you read my mind?”

“Yes, you annoying owl.” Kuroo laughed, “I can read your mind. Mhmm, lemme see. Right now you’re thinking of…” the was a slight pause, “The one Oikawa called ‘Pretty-chan’?”

“Wha- what? Noooo-“ Bokuto yelled, “I’m not! Why would I think about him? Pft, Akaashi is somewhere else. Who’s Akaashi? I dunno, definitely not the one who’s in the closet- ”

“Owl-chan!” Tooru snapped, storming into the room. He should have never trusted Bokuto by himself. Of course he’d end up revealing where Akaashi was, “Did I tell you about when I bumped into Chibi-chan the other day?”

“Um, y-“

“Tobio-chan and him have a tournament coming up. It makes me miss volleyball. Want me to set you some?”

Bokuto whooped, “Hey, hey, hey! Let’s go!”

“Uh, no. Tell me more about this Akaashi, Bo.” Kuroo said, “You’re still not allowed out,”

Akaashi felt his hands start to sweat. Bokuto is so stupid, he was totally going to tell Kuroo where he was.

“He’s…” Bokuto paused, “Great,”

“That’s nice. Why don’t you introduce me properly this time?” Kuroo asked.

“Owl-chan doesn’t know where he lives, see,”

Kuroo let out a laugh, “You know that’s not what I mean, Oikawa. You know what?” he paused, “You can be the one who does the honours. Why don’t you open the closet for us, Oikawa?”

A momentary silence filled the room. Akaashi started to shake and his heart picked up the pace.

No no no no…

“Do it yourself, lazy Tetsu-chan.” Tooru walked out, leaving it up to Bokuto.  
Akaashi could hear shuffling on the other side of the door and slowly open. 

Kuroo’s face peered from the small crack and he said, “Oh, hello.”

~

It...

It wasn’t as awful as Akaashi thought it was going to be. Kuroo pulled him out the closet and Bokuto stuttered some apologies.

Him and Kuroo sat on the singular sofa whilst Tooru and Bokuto watched from a distance.

Akaashi knew he should be suspicious on why Kuroo as being so kind to him. 

Why did he give Akaashi a drink? Why did he make him feel welcome?

Akaashi was actually disappointed nothing exciting happened.

“So, how much?” Kuroo asked.

“Excuse me?”

“How much are you gonna pay for him?” Kuroo rubbed his index and thumb together, “You see, Bokuto is one of my best-“

“What? No! None!” Akaashi shouted, “Nothing, I’m not paying anything.”

“…Then why are you here?” Kuroo scratched the back of his neck, “Akaashi-kun, don’t tell me you actually like him?” he let out a loud laugh, “Ah, that’s the funniest thing I’ve thought in years!”

“I- uh, no…” Akaashi’s eyes flicked to Bokuto, who was staring anxiously at them both from afar, “I just think he deserves better than this,”

“Oh?” Kuroo smirked, “You think you can do better than me? Bet.” Akaashi gazed at him with uncertainty, “Take him,”

“Sorry?”

“Take him. You can feed him. You can deal with his withdrawals. You can deal with his bad moods. You deal with him. But I bet you, he’ll come running back. To me. To drugs. No matter what, Akaashi-kun, addicts do that. Bokuto is an addict and he will. Bet you 50¥.”

“50? Make it a hundred.”

Kuroo grinned, “You’re new to this, Akaashi-kun. Be careful. You could easily get swept up,”

“What, in betting,”

“…No. Never mind.” Kuroo looked back and called, “Hey, Bo! Come here,”

Bokuto slumped over, “Yeah?”

“Remember ages and ages ago when you said you wanted to stop doing all of this? All the drugs and all the men. Remember?”

Bokuto hummed, confusion sweeping over him.

“Akaashi agreed to help you,”

“What?!” Bokuto exclaimed, “Will you, Akaashi? You will, really? You won’t stop halfway through, will you? You won’t give up on me?” he grabbed the black-haired man by the shoulders and shook him slightly.

“Yes, yes, Bokuto-san. Please stop shaking me,” Bokuto quickly apologised and let go.

“Akaashi-kun,” All eyes were on Kuroo, “Withdrawals are a pain in the ass, okay? Call me if you need help,”

“Don’t bring any drugs into my house,” Akaashi glared, Kuroo was taken back and patted Bokuto on the head.

“Bo, I think you’ll be fine,”

After about 10 minutes of Akaashi quizzing Bokuto about his addiction, they were ready to leave.

“We should have packed some stuff,” Akaashi murmured, mostly to himself, “Oh well. I’ll come back later in the week for some,”

“I-I can do it!” Bokuto piped and Akaashi gave him a look.

“No,” he said, “You could bring unwanted things back,”

Kuroo let out a laugh, “Oof, Akaashi actually knows what he’s doing. Doncha think, Oikawa?”

Tooru sniffed, “Yeah.” He said, “Make sure you visit me. I’ll be so lonely. Bokuto is nice company. Sometimes.”

The quartet stood at the door, Bokuto saying goodbyes to his two friends. Ready to start a new leaf in his life.

“Come on, let’s go, Bokuto-san. We have lots to do and not a lot of time before your withdrawals start.” Akaashi waved at the two and when the door was tightly shut behind them, Kuroo let out a laugh.

“Ahh, this is all going to plan.” He said, turning to Tooru, “Once Akaashi sees how disgusting Bokuto is, he’ll finally leave him alone.”

“You’re the disgusting one, Tetsu-chan.” Tooru spat, “Love always wins.”

“What do you know about love, Oikawa? You’re here. A prostitute.”

“I’ve had plenty of experience, thank you very much,”

“Ah, yes. You and your ‘Iwa-chan’.”

“H-how do you know that?”

“Oikawa, haven’t you learnt from Bokuto? I know everything.”


	6. Chapter 6

Those eyes. As if he could forget those eyes. He couldn't even tell what colour they were. Sometimes they were green. A beautiful green. A grass green. Then sometimes they were blue. As dark and deep as the ocean. The most stunning aqua.

His eyes were defined with thick black lashes and brows. His messy hair sat perfectly on his head and everything about his appearance compelled the people around him.

Keiji Akaashi. At middle school, he was a dark horse. Nobody expected someone so attractive to be so clever. Mysterious, shy but so, so talented. No matter what he did, he excelled at it. He's smart. He's an amazing athlete (Bokuto has seen his volleyball playing skills). And he's absolutely beautiful (does that count as a talent?).

Bokuto had never been the type of person to look from afar, a bench warmer, an onlooker. Especially when it came to something he wanted. But if the pair passed in the corridor, accidentally made eye contact- basically, any chance Bokuto could have had- Bokuto could never summon up enough courage to talk to him kohai (and he was usually a _monster_ when it came to confidence).

So eventually, in his third year, Bokuto settled with looking from afar. It was slightly reassuring though because he'd often find himself gawking at Akaashi, if they had been close it would look slightly strange. He knew he did this since his friends would often shout at him to stop dribbling.

Bokuto never really fitted in at school. He was too loud, too boisterous, too cheeky and mischievous. It's not like he _wasn't_ liked, it's just he always felt out of place. It seemed like Akaashi didn't fit in either.

The boy always sat by himself at lunch, Bokuto didn't know whether that was his choice or not since Bokuto always had people to sit with.

Akaashi was always by himself. He seemed content by himself, book in hand, sandwich in hand.

Most of Bokuto's daydreams were about how easy it would be to stroll up to Akaashi, pull up a chair next to him and ask about the book he was reading.

But he never could. And nobody else did either. Bokuto always wondered how lonely Akaashi must have felt being by himself all the time.

Bokuto even considered swapping from his basketball club to volleyball just to be closer to Akaashi and get the chance to talk to him (Bokuto never did and he regrets that _so_ much).

But there was one day. This one day that would live in Bokuto's memories forever. Even after he _died._

Let's just say, Bokuto could never be described as teachers... Favourite student.

Bokuto had been sprinting down the corridor after a detention (for the third time that week. It was Wednesday).

He was late again for his club.

He turned the corner and smacked into a much smaller body than his. The person he had run into dropped the stuff they were holding.

Bokuto dropped to the ground to reclaim the cleaning equipment, repeating "I'm sorry!" as he scrambled.

"I'm such a clutz. So, so, sorry!" Bokuto stood up. He spotted someone he wasn't expecting to see.

"Akaashi?!" He shouted, dropping into a bow, "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to run straight into you! Are you okay?!"

Akaashi blinked a few times, Bokuto stared at him. Keiji was just about to respond until Bokuto shouted.

"Oh my god! I gave you a concussion! Don't die, Akaashi! I'm sorry!"

"What? No, I'm fine. Really. I wasn't looking where you were running, Bokuto-san." He tried to reassure him that he was fine. Worried Bokuto would bring him into the infirmary.

Surprisingly, Bokuto only pointed to himself and said, "Wait, you know who I am!?"

Akaashi paused then gave a curt nod. He collected the stuff in Bokuto's hands.

"Wow! That's so great." Bokuto grinned, "Do you need any help with that?"

"No, I'll be okay, thank you." And Akaashi set off in the direction he was walking too.

Bokuto stared as Akaashi sauntered away.

"It was nice running into you, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said.

Bokuto was glad Akaashi was turned the other way because the massive grin on his face was embarrassing. 

They didn't speak again after that. Bokuto graduated and they both went to different high schools.

Bokuto took up volleyball in his freshman year hoping he'd meet Akaashi on the other side of the net one day (they never did but he did really enjoy volleyball so that was okay).

But Bokuto could never forget Akaahsi.

As if he could forget Keiji Akaashi.

The boy who had flourished into an angel of a man.

God, it was so hard not to fall in love with something like that.

Bokuto wanted to be there for Akaashi. To love him and make him feel special since he's extraordinary. He wanted to live with Akaashi. Do all that loving domestic home stuff.

He wanted Akaashi.

Bokuto wanted to give up his habits. Everything. Not because he didn't have any drugs or money left. It was because he's learnt there's so much more to life than that.

Bokuto wanted to finish this. And he finally found his reason.

He wanted to make more unforgettable memories with Akaashi. Since that one wasn't satisfying him anymore. 


End file.
